What is Opposite Action? It is a skill you can use to act effectively in the face of strong emotions.
How does Opposite Action work? To understand how Opposite Action works, it helps to begin with the function of emotions.
Emotions motivate us to act quickly and respond to change, which has been important to our survival. Imagine stepping off the curb and noticing a bus to speed toward you. The fear that naturally arises is accompanied by the urge to run away, which helps to ensure your immediate safety.
All emotions are associated with situations, thoughts, and urges to act. Sometimes the action urge associated with an emotion leads to a helpful behavior. For example, feeling grateful for what you have in life may prompt you to express appreciation to your partner, which can strengthen the bond you share.
Some emotions are associated with action urges that may not lead to behaviors that are in your best interest. For example, feeling angry about a reckless driver on the road may lead to an urge to “attack” by catching up to the driver so you can yell at them.
When an emotion motivates us to take an action that is not effective, do the opposite. Repeatedly taking the Opposite Action to the emotional urge has two benefits: 1) It can help you change an ineffective behavior without needing to change how you feel; 2) It can help bring down the intensity of the emotion over time.
Below is an overview of some common emotions, with situations in which they are likely to arise, common thoughts and action urges, and examples of Opposite Action.
Anger
Situation:
- Your goals become blocked
- You or a loved one is attacked
- Loss of power or status
Thoughts:
- “This is unfair”
- “I’m right”
- “I shouldn’t have to deal with this”
Action urge:
- Attack verbally, in writing, or physically
Opposite action:
- Gently avoid target of anger
- Take a break
- Act with kindness
Envy
Situation:
- Someone has something you want but you don’t or can’t have
- You compare yourself unfavorably to others
Thoughts:
- “I deserve more”
- “She has a higher salary than me”
- “I’m unappreciated”
Action urge:
- Work hard to get what you want
- Sabotage the other person
- Say mean things about the other person
Opposite action:
- Count your blessings
- Move to a willing posture
- Ground yourself in your own self-worth
Fear / Anxiety
Situation:
- Your life or wellbeing-is threatened
- Being in an unfamiliar situation
- Performing in front of others
- Pursuing your dreams
Thoughts:
- “I might get hurt or die”
- “I’m going to embarrass myself”
- “I’m going to fail”
- “I won’t get help”
Action urge:
- Running away
- Avoiding
- Freezing
- Talking yourself out of following your dreams
Opposite action:
- Do the opposite of the action urge associated with your fear/anxiety
- Approach what you fear
- Do what gives you control or mastery
Sadness
Situation:
- Losing something or someone irretrievably
- Things being worse than you expected
- Not getting what you wanted
Thoughts:
- “I won’t ever see him / her / them again”
- “Things will never improve”
- “I’m worthless”
- “I’m a failure”
Action urge:
- Isolating or withdrawing
- Avoiding activities that used to be pleasurable
Opposite action:
- Get active
- Build mastery
- Participate in pleasant events
Shame / Embarrassment
Situation
- Being rejected or criticized by people you care about
- Being called out for an action or personal characteristic that you aren’t proud of
Action urge:
- Hiding
- Covering your face or body
- Running away
Thoughts:
- “I’m not good enough”
- “I’m a disappointment”
- “I shouldn’t have done that”
Opposite action:
- Share with people who you feel safe with or who won’t reject you
- Stay and show up even if it feels uncomfortable
Guilt
Situation:
- Doing something you think is wrong
- Acting in opposition to your values
- Causing harm to someone
Thoughts:
- “It’s my fault”
- “I shouldn’t have done that”
- “If only I hadn’t…”
Action urge:
- Make amends and repair damage done
- Fix the outcome
Opposite action:
- Stop making amends or repairing and fixing even if it feels uncomfortable