The teenage years are full of big changes. As teens seek more independence, they naturally feel a strong pull to explore and try new things. While exploring is a normal part of growing up, it can sometimes lead to risky choices. This happens because the part of the brain that craves new experiences and excitement develops much faster than the part that manages self-control in the teenage years.
It’s natural and understandable for parents/caregivers to worry when their teen’s safety can be at risk. Fortunately, there are many ways parents/caregivers can support and guide their children through these teenage years. This guide will help parents/caregivers better understand:
- Common risks teens take and why they take them.
- How parents/caregivers can help teens make safer choices.
What are some common risky behaviors in teens?
While every teen is different, many families often find themselves navigating similar types of risky behaviors. These may include:
- Skipping school
- Risky social media use (e.g., oversharing personal information, participating in dangerous viral challenges, cyberbullying others, interacting with strangers online in unsafe ways)
- Unprotected sexual activity
- Dangerous driving (e.g., driving under the influence, distracted driving)
- Alcohol and drug/substance use (including vaping, e-cigarettes)
- Illegal activities (e.g., vandalism, petty theft, trespassing)
Why do teens take risks?
There are several reasons why teens might try risky behaviors:
- Wanting more independence: Teens naturally want to make their own choices and figure out who they are. Increasing their independence is a normal part of development and prepares them for adulthood. And, this “need for freedom” can lead them to try things without asking for permission. They may also test boundaries to see how much control they really have around a decision.
- Brain development: A teen’s brain is extra sensitive to dopamine, a chemical that creates a ‘feel-good’ rush. This makes a new or exciting experience more rewarding or intense for a teenager than it does for an adult. On top of that, the part of the brain that handles planning (the prefrontal cortex) is still developing for teens, making it even harder for them to say “no” to that thrill. So, teens often focus on the immediate excitement or reward of what they’re doing instead of the long-term consequences.
- Peer pressure: Fitting in with friends is a top priority during the teenage years. Teens may take risks to be accepted, impress their peers, or avoid being left out.
How can parents/caregivers help teens make safer choices?
When teens engage in risky behaviors, or there is reason to suspect they might be, parents/caregivers can experience a lot of worry and/or fear. Such feelings are very understandable and common for parents/caregivers of teens. Fortunately, there are things parents can do to help guide their teens towards making healthier choices and staying safe. Below are some examples:
- Stay connected and communicate: The goal is to create a safe, nonjudgmental space where teens are able to talk openly. Parents/caregivers can build this environment by prioritizing regular, back-and-forth conversations with their teen, rather than delivering one-sided lectures to them. By truly listening to a teen’s perspective, parents/caregivers keep the door open for honest, ongoing communication and connection.
- Talk about risky behaviors directly: Direct discussions about risky behaviors (e.g., drugs, alcohol, unsafe driving) help remove the mystery and highlight the dangers. It can be helpful to keep these conversations fairly brief and welcome opportunities to explore/answer questions from the teen. For teens who haven’t engaged in certain risky behaviors yet, having direct talks can help them plan ahead for when they are faced with these risky decisions. For teens who are already engaging in risky behaviors, open conversations provide a safe way to discuss the consequences and find a way to make healthier choices together.
- Teach and practice important life skills: Building problem-solving skills and the confidence to say “no” is useful in reducing risky behavior. Practicing how to say “no” to peer pressure in low-stress situations—like role-playing saying “no” to peers at home—makes it much easier for teens to use those skills when the stakes are higher. It is also helpful to create “exit plans” together, such as a code word the teen can text if they need a safe ride home from a party.
- Create safe opportunities for teens to practice independence: Giving teens the freedom to make choices in safe situations helps them practice decision-making and problem-solving skills in lower stakes scenarios. This might include letting them choose their own extracurricular activities, managing their own school schedule, or expressing their personal style through clothing and room decor. Ultimately, encouraging independence – whenever reasonable – allows teens to develop the confidence they need to navigate the world on their own terms.
- Praise positive behaviors: Noticing and acknowledging when a teen makes a responsible decision goes a long way. Positive behaviors could include making safer choices in the face of risky decisions, or disclosing to the parent/caregiver when they’ve made a mistake. This positive reinforcement encourages the teen to make safer choices in the future.
- Monitor teen activities: Knowing where teens are, who they are with, and what they are doing provides a necessary safety net. It is helpful for parents/caregivers to be open with their teen about how they plan to check in. This keeps parents/caregivers informed without breaking the teen’s trust. Open communication also allows parents/caregivers to spot potential red flags early, so they can provide support before small challenges turn into larger problems.
- Focus on family and personal values: Discussing what is important to the family and/or to the teen—and the “why” behind those beliefs—can provide a moral compass for the teen. This can make it easier for the teen to do things that align with the person they are or want to be.
- Be a good role model: Teens learn a lot by watching the adults in their lives. Parents/caregivers can talk through their own decision-making with their teen, modeling how they would weigh pros and cons before making a decision. Asking a teen, “How would you have handled this?” can also spark great practice for their own decision-making skills. It can also be helpful for teens to see how their parents/caregivers handle mistakes. This helps teens learn how to navigate their own mistakes and show strength in admitting them when they do happen.
- Get to know the teen’s friends and their families: Building relationships with a teen’s peers and their families helps you know who the teen is spending time with and what they are doing. This also creates a supportive community for teens, where they can receive guidance from adults outside of their parents/caregivers. Additionally, when families are on the same page about rules and expectations, it is harder for risky behaviors to slip through the cracks.
It is natural for parents/caregivers to feel concerned about keeping their teen safe. At the same time, mistakes are a common part of growing up. Teens can often learn from these mistakes, which helps them make safer decisions in the future. Since all teens face risky decisions, the most helpful approach is focusing on how to guide teens toward making safer choices and learning from their experiences when they do make mistakes.
Between-Session Practice:
What are your biggest concerns about your teen’s behavior?
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How will you talk with your teen about risky behaviors? Consider when and where you’ll have this conversation.
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What is one thing you learned from this guide that you hope to practice in the next week?
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