Parent emotion coaching is a way for parents or caregivers to help support their child when they are experiencing emotions. It helps the child learn why they are having emotions. It also helps the child learn how to express how they are feeling.
Emotions are a part of being human! But, children may not always be able to explain why they are feeling a certain way or know how to name their emotions. Parents and caregivers play an important role in helping their children understand and identify their emotions. Parent emotion coaching is one way that a parent or caregiver can teach their child that emotions are safe to experience.
| What to focus on | Instead of… | Try… |
| Awareness of all emotions | Only paying attention to emotions that are “big” (anger) and/or unpleasant (sadness) | Also paying attention to “little” emotions that may not be as obvious (e.g., pride, loneliness) |
| Empathy/perspective taking | Assuming what they are feeling | Putting yourself in their shoes and trying to imagine what it feels like to be them in that moment |
| Validation and encouragement | Minimizing, distracting, dismissing, criticizing, judging, or expecting clarity about the emotion – “It’s not a big deal.” – “That’s silly – why would you be worried about that?” Inserting your own emotion into your child’s emotional experience – “I’m so worried that you’re upset! It’s so hard to see you like this – how am I going to sleep tonight?” |
Acknowledging, being present, giving space, being curious, and being mindful of your child’s experience as their own – “I can see why you’re feeling sad about that.” – “Did it make you mad to hear that?” – “I hear that you’re feeling frustrated.” – “Would you like some space for yourself?” Praising their efforts with managing their emotions – “You are doing a great job calming down.” |
| Label the emotion & intensity | Overlooking the situation or emotion – [Child looks visibly upset] “Anyway, what do you want for dinner tonight?” Providing general statements about the situation or emotion – “That doesn’t sound fun.” |
Providing language for what you think your child is experiencing and validating it – “It’s okay to feel sad. Everyone feels that way at times. I’ve felt that way too recently.” Providing language for different emotions that may be occurring – “It’s okay to feel [very/a little] frustrated.” – “It looks like you are annoyed AND frustrated.” – “It looks like you are more angry than sad. What do you think?” |
| Meaning making | Just stating what the emotion is – “It looks like you are sad.” |
Making a connection between the emotion and a potential reason – “It looks like you’re sad because you miss your grandmother.” |
| Be a role model and focus on teachable moments | Only paying attention to emotions when your child has them | Paying attention to your own emotions, as well as others’ emotions. Labeling and making meaning of emotions shown by yourself and others – “I’m feeling frustrated right now. I think I’ll take some deep breaths to calm down.” – “That man is feeling sad, as I can see tears from his eyes and he is looking down.” – “That boy is looking angry, as I can see his face turning red and his hands are clenched up in a fist.” |
What are the typical situations that result in emotions for your child?
(It’s important to focus on a variety of emotions, not just the challenging ones.)
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Which of these situations will be best for practicing emotion coaching? It’s helpful to think about situations where you will be most present and available.
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Consider the areas of emotion coaching listed above and identify:
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How often would you like to attempt to use emotion coaching this week?
(Remember: Being intentional about practicing is important. Quality is more important than quantity.)
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What are some ways you can remember to practice? Who can help support you and remind you to use emotion coaching with your child?
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Recording what you’re doing is a helpful way to know how things are going. Here is a table that can help you:
| Date | Emotion you focused on and what you said | How well you did | Your child’s response |
| 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | ||
| 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | ||
| 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | ||
| 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | ||
| 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | ||
| 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | ||
| 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 | 😀 🙂 😐 🙁 |